bumper sticker

I saw a bumper sticker recently that said...

GOD BLESS EVERY NATION

I thought that was great : )

lyrics

i'm not a lyric writer...i've tried and tried and tried and everything sounds really cheesy...but i woke up at 5:00 this morning with these lyrics in my head...they are a bit depressing and a work in progress....

I live in a room
heaven is there but sometimes i don't know where
the walls are bland and the ceiling caving in
I ly there thinking"what do i do"

i hear the birds outside
and want to fly to
an empty space

to live in a new room
where people are everywhere
the walls are bright and the ceiling high
that is where i'm headed

i hear the birds outside
and want to fly to
an empty space

as i said a work in progress...already i'm thinking of new things to add and things to change : )

ah....

the job...there is a string job opening up in oklahoma city at classen school of advanced studies....in this orchestra, students are required to audition and they would be "music majors"....kind of weird, but there would be kids that really want to be there and that would just be great...tomorrow i turn in my application and start making calls...i don't know how likely it is, but i guess you never know unless you try : )

today, i worked on some music with chad...we had talked about starting a side project a long time ago before the caverns and nothing ever came out of it....until now...we started working on some things today and what we have so far is really good...we'll just have to see....whats odd to me is that i hadn't thought about this project for a while and about two weeks ago someone asked me about it and i told them that we weren't doing anything then a week later chad calls and here we are...hum...odd.... : )

i hope everyone had a great memorial day....and they didn't do anything evil : )

Memorial day weekend

one of my all time favorite things to do on memorial day weekend is go to the paseo arts festival...its just a "bunch of hippies" : ) and it always seems to have more cool stuff then the regular arts festival to me....today a friend and i went and walked around it was fun...then we went to size records and they still don't have the fruitbats...i wish crazy j's was still open : )

i have a hopeful job....i'm going to talk to people and turn in applications and things on tuesday...who knows if this works out it could be better than my old job....

i found one of the funniest debbie downer skit ...its funny to watch them not be able to keep it together : )

Today

today, i got to hang out for a few hours with some of my friends from high school....there were 4 of us, 2 guys/2 girls and we were pretty much inseperable....we were all orchestra dorks but we were the orchestra dorks to be : ) everyone wanted to be us or be apart of what we were...i forget sometimes how much i miss them, all of our worlds have gone in very seperate ways but we can all come together and its just awesome, and it doesn't matter how long we have been apart...and its really weird, because we are all grown up, i remember us talking in high school about when we got older and hanging out....now we are there, i could have sworn it was just yesterday that bryan and andrew came out of karas bathroom and told us they were going to streak around the house but they chickened out : ) man, the good old days....right now in my life i want to go back there....it seemed so much easier....

For the guys : )




For the girls : )....Damn....

my friends

i have the greatest friends in the whole world and i want everyone to know that...they've been here for me as i lost my job and am in the process of finding a new job....they are here for me when i make very large life decisions....and they don't judge, they are just here to help and listen and be supportive and i love each and every one of you : ) thanks for all you have done for me and continue to do for me : )

i'm very glad camp is starting soon....i'm not good with this whole sitting around doing nothing thing...i need to be doing something, accomplishing something and the last two days i've done neither really....i did finish some applications and found my resume...so i guess that is something :)

its done

so school is done...i'm not exactly sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing at this point, i'll let you know....its been kind of a girls lazy day, after spending my 10 minutes at school to check out...i went to lunch with my sister, had an appointment at 2:00 and then have pretty much been hanging out with syd and oreo....i did do a little house cleaning today, now that is always fun....

We never change (coldplay lyrics)

I wanna live life, never be cruel, I wanna live life, be good to you. I wanna fly, never come down, And live my life, And have friends around. We never change, do we? We never learn to leave, So I wanna live in a wooden house, I wanna live life, always be true, I wanna live life, and be good to you, I wanna fly, and never come down, And I live my life, and have friends around.

i brought out some coldplay today...i haven't listened to them in a long time but man did it sound good to the ears : )

the caverns

i have created a caverns blog so that everyone can know what is going on in the caverns world....i'm still working on it and it will get better : )

thecaverns.blogspot.com

i did it

i talked to the principal today and she was very encouraging and even took notes.... i think she knows what kind of teacher parvin is and she said that nothing bad about me would come out of her mouth....so that is good, i just feel a sense of release, like i've done what i needed to do and i told her what i need to....now all i can do is see what happens....tomorrow is check out day, and i will probably be there for about 30 minutes....that will be nice : ) then i'll be off to turn in applications....

last day

well, i honestly didn't think that today was going to be this hard....i knew it was not going to be easy but wow...the kids threw a surprise going away (we hope your back next year) party...they got me a little trophy thing that says super teacher....and i guess all hell is really breaking loose....several parents (more than i thought) have called and talked to all kinds of people....i guess there is petition going around...all kinds of things...way more than i realized : ) I talked to the parent that brought the stuff for the party and she really made me feel better about what kind of teacher i am..

yesterday, i went shopping....i bought some really cute things but the most interesting purchase was a pair of high heels....i know, i haven't worn heels since high school...wait...i've been in several weddings and we may have worn heels in those...but its still been a while...i've been looking for a pair for a really long time, but i decided if i was going to wear heels it needed to be the right pair, and i think i have found them : )

one person

it is amazing to me how one person can have so much control over someone elses life.....then something happens and they fuck it all up.....

ship in a bottle....bright eyes

I wanna be the surgeon that cuts you open,
That fixes all of life's mistakes
I wanna be the house that you were raised in
The only place that you feel safe

I wanna be a shower in the morning
That wakes you up and makes you clean
I know I'm just the weather againt your window
As you sleep through a winter's dream

Someones churning the earth
Someone's stirring the sky
Every color at once in a column of lights
Bacteria breeds on a microscope slide
The worm in my heart's the apple of your eye

Don't adore what is impossible
We have built this ship in a wine bottle
But if you knew how it worked,
We'd have to grow old

Someone's eating at you, wakes you up in the night
If you're digging the past, who knows what you'll find
Read the newspaper print off the microfiche slide
And you're holding your breath for the rest of your life

Don't you love what is intangible
I have built this ship in a wine bottle
But if you knew who I was ...
You would never grow old

musical instrument of the week : )

so my new musical instrument of the week has been guitar....i've been playing a lot of guitar, trying to teach myself chords and trying to make it sound good...its getting better but i'm having a hard time with two things...first, the f chord, i'm not liking that so much...next, moving from the f to the g chord...actually moving from chord to chord is pretty hard....but i will keep working on it and let you all know how it is coming : )

Thanks

Thanks to all of those that came out last night....it is greatly appreciated...i felt like there was a lack of energy on stage, but i guess no one else did so that is good. it may have just been because i back to everyone in the band and the ones i didn't have my back to, it was really hard to see...but i guess it went well...

today i'm going to talk to the principal at my school...not to try to get my job back, but just to let her know what a real orchestra program in oklahoma should look like...i'm hoping this will make people watch parvin a little more....make him actually work...and as i say that...we are going to watch napoleon dynamite in my classes today : ) i promised them a long time ago that we could after contest : )

day off

so far i've done nothing today....except talk to the teachers union, which was really no help...i'm going to lunch with my grandpa then i'm going to come home and fill out applications...this application process is a pain in the ass...but you do what you gotta do...

star wars last night was awesome...i really liked it, but i wish i had watched the first two again before i saw the third...o well, now i'll just have to have a star wars day....24 hours of nothing but star wars....okay maybe not 24, but a lot of star wars

i think i may also make a skirt tonight in between filling out applications. my circle skirt need to come to be....then i'm to rock out tonight....it will be good : ) until tonight....(unless i get a whim to write more : )

start a revolution

well, i told my students today about not being back next year...as i expected, they threw a fit...one of my students who i teach lessons to and knew earlier this week, had already sent out 8 letters and had the addresses of board members and fine arts directors and everything....so that circulated around the room pretty fast....i didn't even start talking before i started crying...i was hoping that i would be able to say everything i needed to say and then i knew i would start crying but that didn't really happen....now i just have to tell my 9th graders, in some ways i think this could be worse than the high school....they really, really hate parvin....and he really really hates them, so more crying to go on for me....i have made myself physically sick though, so i feel like shit...i'm taking tomorrow off....parvin can deal with the kids tomorrow and good luck to him....

star wars tonight....this should be fun....normally i would be more excited to see it but i'm not feeling excited about much of anything these days...hum.....

tomorrow night....the caverns show...we had a practice last night that went really well...it will be fun to play....we changed up one song last night and if it is pulled off right tomorrow will be kick ass.....i think i told everyone that we play at 8:00...well, we don't actually play until 9:00, fyi...and it is at the greendoor....

1 down 5 to go

i have 5 more school days left...i forgot that we have to come back next monday because of a snow day...most of the kids won't be there and the ones that are we are just going to sit around and do nothing...i don't think i've ever been as rude to anyone in my life as i was to parvin today (yes, parvin : ) one of my students asked today if i going to be back and i told him no....to say the least he was a little upset...and i'm not lying to the kids about why i'm not coming back...i've also started a letter to the principal and others about the strings program....i've decided i'm not leaving without saying my peace, which really isn't like me...

as i was trying to sleep last night i was coming up with some options for next year....i put a lot of time, thinking about teaching in college...i won't get a college job next year but i could work up to that....i could totally own a music venue and teach in college...my dad took me to lunch today....out of nowhere he was like why don't you open a bar....this really shocked me because i haven't told him about any of my music venue plans....when i told him, i'm working on that, he didn't freak out....that is, totally, freak my dad out news....so him not freaking out was way weird....but i think that is a good sign, maybe he'll help with some financial backing : ) so own my venue and work at a college...thats what i have so far : ) as for next year....well, i don't know yet...i guess general music it is....

1 more week

only one full week of school left...this is going to be the hardest week of the year for me, but i'm going to be the better person in this situation....but i'm not going to act as though nothing is wrong i'm just going to keep my distance....if i didn't want to be with my students i wouldn't go to school all week, but they need to know that i'm not leaving on my own accord...but i do think i am making myself sick....

anyway....ry and i worked on more shiny songs today for a few hours (before the sonics game : ) if we can remember everything we did we have a total of about 4 originals...very nice....they are all different, as far as i can tell now and none of them have lyrics : )...but they will...what i'm liking so far about all of this is that we are all playing different instruments for different songs and the instrumentation is different on every song.....and whats more exciting is that this is just a starting point....once we get going, there is going to be no stopping us.... : )

anyone know of any string positions open in Oklahoma? maybe i should just change my career completely....hum...what would i be....

3 months

i have three months to become a rock star....losing you job makes your think about what it is in life that you really want...and really all my life i've known 2 things....i love music and i'm meant to be on the stage...so i'm going to become a rock star...all my hopes and dreams are relying on shiny.... : ) just kidding...i'm wondering if cursive needs a new cellist...or just another cellist....or maybe some other already established band needs a cellist....hum....i wouldn't even know how one would start to find out stuff like that : ) i'm just going to revert to plan b (badly drawn boy lyrics)....i'm not exactly sure what plan b is but i'm sure its there : ) oh yeah...plan b is becoming a rock star....

its offical

i have no job for next year....i got no reason...but i'll get a good recommendation, i think principals have to say that....plus side, i don't have to work with this asshole...down side, i love these student and their going to be stuck with him : )

more dreams

i dreampt last night that some of my friends and i were driving home from somewhere and were stopped by police because there was a tornado that was forming about 30 miles away...so we stop and some how i ended up sitting in a chair, the next thing we know, a huge tornado had formed right next to us and was coming our way...i just continued sitting in the chair, with my head ducked down, holding on for dear life. then all of the sudden all of my friends and i were talking about where to go..so we went to business buildings down the street, and then it hit us that we were the only ones around and that we were all dead but not ghost, just in waiting...

i think the storms this morning helped with that dream : )

i also had a dream that i had a kid and the father of the child didn't want anything to do with the kid...then all of the sudden the baby turned into a violin...

i have no idea where that came from : )

well, i'm about to go to the meeting....

i got to go back to the dentist today and have a stitch replaced...exciting stuff i tell you...i've never had a shot in my mouth before, and i can tell you i didn't like it...it was not a gooder...but in a couple of months...i'm glad tomorrow is friday and that i only have a week and a day left of school...we finally have our meeting with the principal tomorrow...i'm really hoping i don't loose my job...i was talking to someone tonight and realized it would really suck if those kids had to have a teacher that didn't really care about them or teaching... i would kind of also hope that if they are going to fire me that they wouldn't have Mr. S in the room while they were talking to me about it....i have a few things to say and i wouldn't feel comfortable with him there...well...my meeting is at 11:30, i will let you all know as soon as i know...i know you are all waiting with breathless anticipation : )

dentist

some people go to the dentist and get in and have done what they come in for and leave...well, i am not some people...no not me...i went to the dentist and spent an hour waiting then they decided that they needed to fix my gums...so 3 hours later i leave with a numb lip and 5 stitches : ) man, my life is good...but i have to think about the plus side, i'm going to have the best smile around... there was no meeting today....the principal was sick...who knows when i'll know about my job...oh well, good things come to those who wait...i think i need that to be my life motto.... i just really hope that is the case : )



sorry this is probably a pretty crude cartoon but i think its funny : )

btw

it looks like i may know tomorrow if i have a job next year or not....we have a meeting with the principal tomorrow after school....theres no telling i guess...but it will be good to know either way, i'm thinking though, if i do not have a job next year, teaching is not my calling...i will report more tomorrow on this : )

i'm in love...

with sufjan stevens...and you all thought this was going to be a good post : ) i've been listening to the new cd (which comes out july 5) a lot and the man is a genius....he makes me happy, he makes me see that life is good but he doesn't sugar coat it....just tells it how it is..plain and simple...he is planning on making a cd for all 50 states...which i thought at first was going to be impossible and i'm still not sure how he is going to come up with all that music, but i'm thinking if anyone can do it, he can...the one coming out in july is Illinois and he already has michigan out...he is going to do LPs for some and EPs for others...he is supposed to have an EP done for Rhode Island by the end of the year...genius i tell you....one of the songs on Illinois talks about a girl with cancer and he uses the words "cancer of the bones" i've decided i have cancer of the mind (which, btw, i do realize is not as bad as real cancer : )...but am working it out (and have decided not to mention it again to anyone : )....in another part of the song he talks about, a bible study where they prayed over her body, but nothing ever happened....that just seems so real to me...it just seems like sometimes i pray and pray and pray and nothing ever happens...pessimistic attitude i guess...but in the same sense it makes me think...oh, okay so its not just me...man, i'm being a debbie downer...sorry about that....anyway...sufjan stevens ROCKS!!! : )



if i did every thing correctly you can click on the picture and it should take you to his website : )

today has been a pretty good day...i've decided to start my summer early...i've done tons of things i like to do rather than what i should be doing...first when i got home, i started a new book, and sat outside and read for a while, thats always fun to me...i love being outside. then i walked my dog over to a friends house and we had good times talking. then i went to soccer practice, which was fun...i had band practice, where i felt like i was being a bitch...and then a soccer game, where everyone seemed to get mad at each other...but all in all, things i love : )

just a reminder....Caverns Show....May 19th (a week from thursday)....8:00....Greendoor

i better see everyone there : )

i'm done with my daily ramble...now it is time for bed...i think that can also help my cancer of the mind... : )

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

passions is a good buffy episode : )

bored

i'm bored : ( there are probably things that i need to do for school but i'm not going to do them today....i've called around to see how much it will cost to tune my piano and its going to cost more to tune it then we paid for it...as i figured it might...i'll probably wait awhile...maybe get it tuned sometime this summer...today was a good day in my high school class....i'm making them conduct their own piece....right now they hate me : ) the ones that stay in music any given time will thank me later....it was my students first day on the podium, and the one student that went today did really well....and no one gave her a hard time....i figured they would all give each other a hard time....it must have been my, "if you get out of hand or say anything mean i'm going to take it off your grade" speech....i actually didn't think they were scared of me, but i guess they are : ) i am a really scary person who is just rambling....so i'm done...i'm just going to sit here and be bored : )

this is my new player piano....it is very cool...it came with about 20 or so songs...most of which i don't know : ) i'm wondering if i can go to a antique shop and buy new ones, that would be cool...its fun to play and i can just play it as a piano...although it needs to be tuned really bad...i'm thinking that tuning it may cost more than what my dad paid.... : ) this is going to be really fun to have...

player piano

my dad bought me a player piano...i think this is cool...i'm not exactly sure where i'm going to put it yet, but i will find a place...he says i can also play it as a piano, so that is going to rock...i'm sure it looks like crap, but that will be tons of fun for me....it will give me something to do this summer, fixing it up : ) my dad says it has like 20-30 songs with it, i'm sure they are going to be great : ) he also said he has heard it and says it plays...we will see : )

i've been working on a new song today and i love it....its really simple in it form, somewhat repetitive but most music is....its whats going on around the repetitive stuff that makes it interesting....this song has no title yet...instrumentation is: 2 cellos, keys, and bass...i haven't decided about vocal lines yet or anything else but i can't wait to get started...i don't think this is going to be as hard for us to get together as my first one, although i did play the key line about 50 times to get it right in the recording i have : )..."realize" could take us a while...i did manage to write a vocal line though so that is wonderful...now amanda and i just need to come up with lyrics :)



2 weeks and a day left of school...i'm really ready for summer : ) it going to be a long week, these last few weeks always seem to drag on and on and on, because everyone is ready to get out...

even more shins

more shins

the shins rocked tonight : ) my pictures didn't turn out so well...hopefully amanda's turned out better : )

GO SHINS

The freakin' flippin' shins concert sold out....thats awesome and amazing....there is hope for oklahoma after all and i'm getting more and more excited about opening up a kick ass music venue that will let oklahoma hear more great music...we've got to hurry, there is still tons to get done : ) people are going to start wanting to come play in oklahoma....man, i can't tell you how excited i am...

a new skill

i have offically mastered a new soccer skill...see how many time you can shoot without making it in the goal...at the last few girls games i've made several shots and none of them have made it until last night....last night, i finally scored : ) but only after trying and coming close 5 times...maybe this just means that pretty soon all my shots will go in the goal...i keep getting closer and closer and closer until wham...i'm a scoring machine....i'm just going to pretend like that is it : )

acl festival sept 23-25, 2005

the line up for the acl festival has been announced...it is as follows

Coldplay Widespread Panic Oasis The Black Crowes The Allman Brothers Band Wilco Jimmy Cliff Robert Randolph & The Family Band Lyle Lovett John Prine Lucinda Williams Buddy Guy Jet Dierks Bentley Thievery Corporation Arcade Fire Death Cab for Cutie Bob Mould Built to Spill Bloc Party Steve Earle & The Dukes Franz Ferdinand Gov't Mule Sleater-Kinney Kasabian Zap Mama Robert Earl Keen Keane Tortoise The Doves The Black Keys Mike Gordon & Leo Kottke The Walkmen Jason Mraz Rilo Kiley Spoon The Secret Machines The Decemberists The Bravery Eisley Blue October Grupo Fantasma Kermit Ruffins The Dirty Dozen Brass Band Bettye La Vette Rev. Dan Willis & The All Nations Choir Morgan Heritage Ricardo Lemvo & Makina Loca Ruthie Foster deSol The Frames Mates of State Mindy Smith Martin Sexton The Fiery Furnaces Federico Aubele Mouse on Mars The Futureheads Kathleen Edwards

Asleep at the Wheel M83 Tegan and Sara Mike Doughty Split Lip Rayfield Rachael Yamagata Bobby Bare Jr. Mofro The Ditty Bops The New Amsterdams Ambulance Ltd Slightly Stoopid Dios Malos Brave Combo Aqualung Dave Alvin & The Guilty Men Marc Broussard Bruce Robison Missy Higgins Nine Black Alps Kevin Fowler Grady Willy Mason The Weary Boys Wayne Hancock Rick Trevino Zykos Sound Team Asylum Street Spankers Pong Oliver Future The Real Heroes Bukka Allen Hairy Apes BMX The Lost Trailers The Gospel Stars Donna The Buffalo The Shields of Faith Star Kids Yoga The Jones Family Singers South Austin Jug Band The Lighthouse Singers Casey McPherson Kacy Crowley Tristen Prettymen The Massacoustics Joe McDermott Sara Hickman Imagination Movers Free Sõl Inara George KJAE Austin Hartley-Leonard Maneja Beto Austin Collins Band The Biscuit Brothers Naturally Seven Patrick Davis Band November Kelley Hunt Kate York

I'm pretty excited about this line up...there are a lot of people on here that i haven't seen yet and i really want to....and its a really fun time all together....if anyone is interested i'm going...i've gone by myself before and i'll do it again, but i'd rather have people with me : )

moon river mania : )

i am a cloud......a cotton ball cloud : )

happy teacher appreciation week

to all you teachers out there...happy week : ) to all of those that are going to become teachers...turn back now : ) only kidding...i've enjoyed teaching very much this year...its been a lot of fun : )

shins on friday night...yea!!!

"You were no ordinary drain on her defenses
And she was no ordinary girl
Oh, Inverted World
If every moment of our lives
Were cradled softly in the hands of some strange and gentle child
I'd not roll my eyes so."

Some shins lyrics for you : )

i've become an adult...i'm a proud owner of a washer and dryer and a vacuum. : )

bright eyes

did you miss bright eyes on leno last night...well, here is a link if you want to see it : )

when the president talks to god

lunch

lunch today was a disaster...everything i tried to make something went wrong...so i decided that i would go for some popcorn and i burned it too...so i'm just going to eat my burnt popcorn and go back to work : )

BRIGHT EYES LYRICS "When The President Talks To God" When the president talks to God Are the conversations brief or long? Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights And send poor farm kids off to die? Does God suggest an oil hike When the president talks to God? When the president talks to God Are the consonants all hard or soft? Is he resolute all down the line? Is every issue black or white? Does what God say ever change his mind When the president talks to God? When the president talks to God Does he fake that drawl or merely nod? Agree which convicts should be killed? Where prisons should be built and filled? Which voter fraud must be concealed When the president talks to God? When the president talks to God I wonder which one plays the better cop We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke That's what God recommends When the president talks to God Do they drink near beer and go play golf While they pick which countries to invade Which Muslim souls still can be saved? I guess god just calls a spade a spade When the president talks to God When the president talks to God Does he ever think that maybe he's not? That that voice is just inside his head When he kneels next to the presidential bed Does he ever smell his own bullshit When the president talks to God? I doubt it

he played this on jay leno last night...i was getting ready for bed and realized that he was playing...i'm glad i stayed up to watch : ) i'm even more excited about see him on June 6th : )

3 weeks : )

so there are three weeks left in the school year...i'm excited...besides working at a summer camp...i'm planning on doing some traveling, spending lots of time outside, going to the art museum, reading tons (harry potter 6 comes out this summer), going to see as many concerts as possible, writing and playing as much music as possible......the list goes on.....

some funny things that happened on our trip....

1. we arrive in dallas, where we are going to play and we are late...so we start unpacking outside and realize that someone had forgotten to put the cello in the case....so we had no cello....

2. my high school students decided it would be great fun to "make me over"....bright blue eyeshadow, bright pink lipstick, bright pink blush (lots of it : ) , lots of eyeliner and a little eyeliner mole....i looked like i was about to play a part in moulin rouge : ) i'm sure i will be getting picture of that soon and i will share : )




some upcoming show dates for the caverns : )
May 19th....green door
June 18....oplis

"...and the earth is warmer when you laugh" sam beam

crystals

there used to be a great pizza place in okc called crystals pizza....i have tons of memories from my childhood that involve that pizza place...it had game rooms and television rooms and movie rooms which usually had cartoons playing...it was just a great place....well, it closed down...as we were driving to dallas i saw a crystals pizza place that was about to open...it brings hope into the world... : )

apples

so some of my students and i were talking in the very long rollercoaster line and we were discussing guys/girls and apples...

girls are like apples, the good ones are at the top, the okay ones in the middle and the not so good ones at the bottom....guys can be lazy : ) (sorry guys, but on with the story : ) so they go for the ones that are easier to option...thus leaving the good ones at the top by themselves : )

i'm not saying all guys are like this...some will climb to the top to get the good ones...i know some that have and are...and really this whole story is just an attempt to make single girls like me feel better....but it works : )

so anytime... someone can start climbing : )

more trip

trip

i'm glad...

to not be with students anymore and i'm very glad to be home....it was a good trip over all but after spending that my time with a large group of people, i was ready to crawl into a hole by myself and just live there for a while....there are tons of stories from the trip but i will fill everyone in at a later date.... : ) but i'm glad to be blogging again, its weird what you miss when you are gone away....